Manifesting Madness



When I think of manifesting good things come to mind. I think of peaceful meditation, oils diffusing and amazing thoughts playing through my head.  I picture attracting all my thoughts, an amazing life, success and so on. Manifesting to me is a complete process that has time set aside for it and comes so easy.

In truth it only takes 17 seconds to put something out into the universe, so can’t that be at any moment in the day? When I am driving and cursing under my breath at the person that cut me off to then drive 20 miles under the speed limit – yes I curse, am I manifesting that anger into the universe? If I keep my rant to 14 seconds will it not make it to the ears of the universe?

When are you manifesting? I try to be mindful of my thoughts all day, everyday and of my potty mouth which in reality I am less successful at. I make time to manifest  and organize my thoughts once Julian goes to sleep but sometimes my mind wonders. I start to think of different scenarios of different things going on in my life. I start with the “what if” questions that range from winning the lotto to if I could take back 5 days of my life which would they be. I go on wild journeys with my mind sometimes and it takes me time to ground myself and start all over again.

There have been times I brought myself back to horrific places in my life just to relive it because I felt I needed to feel that pain. It put me in an awful space and I had no real reasoning or understanding of why I did it. My answer now is I was trying to bring madness back into my life because I didn’t feel I was worthy of the peace I am now living.

I lived with hostility, abuse and dysfunction for so many years it became my norm, when it was gone sometimes I would panic.  At times it was hard to believe I was past all of it and didn’t need it in my life to survive. Sometimes I needed to bring myself back to that level of hate of self and life, as well as all the ways I felt I disappointed the world around me and everyone in it. It was the familiarity of self loathing that I felt I needed to bring me down a peg, as if I was telling myself “oh yeah you think your free of this, well remember when….” I brought the madness back into my life, I manifested it.

I started writing things down on why I don’t need that hate and why I love myself and what I love about myself. Little by little I was able to move that madness to the back of my mind, as most people with PTSD can tell you it never fully goes away. I have no use for the useless information and memories that are stored in that little bubble.  I am learning to control it, with that I am able to move past and move on to be my best self.

I am not at my best but I am so much better then the me I once was and on the path of prosperity to get to the best. I laugh now at the thought that I am not worthy, even on my worst days I am so far away from the horror I once lived. I am far away physically, emotionally, spiritually and best of all mentally.

Love and Light to all that are on this journey. Please remember you are worth it, you are love and you are loved.

PS I know the picture doesn’t exactly go with the post but I love it and it makes me happy ❤

New Year Resolutions · Uncategorized

New Year, New You… BullS*8t


It is a new year and that means resolutions and all the new fabulous things you are setting yourself up for. New body, new money, new adventures and so on. I hear over and over again how once the new year starts all these great changes are going to happen, magically you will find the motivation to lose all that weight and fill that bank account. The new year will sprinkle pixy dust into your wallet and make it grow with money from that magical tree in your yard. With that money you will travel all over the world, right? All of this requires you to keep your focus for the fist week only.  Many reasons why I feel it is all a bunch of BS.

In the month of December I received 4 mailings from local gyms, 2 from weight watchers and 1 from a local plastic surgeon, all promising me to help me achieve my weight loss goals that I never told any of them I had. I also got many mailings from local banks with “the best offers” imaginable, with so many incredible offers to help me in the new year, help I didn’t reach out for. Also from travel and booking sites.. deals that I must act on for the new year!! They are all playing into the ridiculousness of people wanting to turn a new leaf, which can only be done on New Years and on certain Monday’s through the year. More BS.

Everyday of every week in every month of every year is a new day to start something to better yourself and your life. There is no set day, no set time and no set year for this to happen. It all happens when you want it to, when you are ready for it to happen.  You need to lose weight? Just do it, start. I started with the Living Fit Club on a Sunday in October, breaking all the rules, right? Even better I was a success!!! I toned my body mentally, physically, and emotionally. I learned about saving and growing my business, both on my list of goals.

Changing isn’t something you do because it is a socially widespread phenomena. It is something you do because the timing is right for you. I wanted to join the Living Fit Club a lot earlier then I did but it wasn’t time for me, not until this past October. I lost 12 pounds so far, I lost many inches, I finally have a saving strategy and I hit the rank of Star in December and I am on point to hit Senior Star this month. I am doing my life the way I want to reach my goals that I set for myself. A lot of “MY” there. I realize that doing things on MY timeline is the only way to actually reach my goals and utilize all the potential I have in the best way possible.

With that, I booked and paid for my trip and ticket to the Young Living convention for this coming June, not only myself but for my son. This lifestyle is so important to me I have to share it with Julian. I want him to experience the Young Living culture first hand. This was a goal, not a resolution or a wish. I put it on my list of goals, on my vision board, thought about it in meditation and worked hard to make it happen.

Everyday you wake up you are given another chance to make your life amazing and build it how you want it. It may not be easy to get there, but is it any easier on January 1st then it is on August 24th?  If you are looking for inspiration on getting things in order I strongly suggest checking out LFC here. It took so much more then just a food plan to change my life around, it cost nothing to check it out!

You are the hero of your own story, write it the way you want it to be read.  Live it the way you want it to be written and enjoy the freedom of taking control!

Happy New Year!!



Oh Baby · Uncategorized

Oh Baby! Toxic Free Baby Products!


Babies have the most delicate skin and are in need of special consideration as to what you use on them. When I was pregnant with Julian I stocked up on all things I thought I would need once I had him. Then, I was a Government employee, we were not (still aren’t) entitled to paid time off for maternity leave, although as a union member I was allowed 16 weeks unpaid. Because of this I preplanned my butt off.  I purchased diapers, that were chlorine free, wipes with no scent and organic, I looked up how to make my own but became too overwhelmed. I had fragrant free laundry detergent, organic lotions, soaps etc. You get the picture…right?

I had my baby shower I was gifted so many wonderful items, tons of diapers, wipes and body products. Very few were from my registry or the brands I was targeting but there was no way I would be ungrateful and mention that to anyone. I took back what I could and exchanged it for my preferred items. Although what I returned was bigger in bulk then what I got in exchange. Getting all the good stuff is expensive and there aren’t tons of coupons like there are for the competitor but every penny was worth it.

Once I had Julian I had postpartum depression and was not as picky, a good day consisted of less then 10 panic attacks.. although that is for another day and another blog (lol). I stayed as consistent as I could but on some shopping trips, my original plan fell through just because I didn’t want to be in the store.

I wish that at that time I was apart of Young Living. One, because they have all the body products and wipes that I would use today on my baby and two, because I am part of Essential Rewards so it would be shipped to me without a thought.

What makes these products different? I am taking this from the Young Living Website .

Seedlings lotion: Made without alcohol, parabens, synthetic fragrances, artificial dyes, or other unwanted ingredients, Seedlings Baby Lotion is formulated with 100 percent plant-based ingredients and pure essential oils to soothe your little one with a light, calming scent. KEY INGREDIENTS: Murumuru butter, mango butter, cocoa butter, calendula extract, annatto oil, apple extract, and Lavender essential oil.  Sounds good enough to eat, doesn’t it?

Baby Oil:  Our non-greasy formula moisturizes, soothes, and nourishes baby’s skin. It absorbs smoothly; provides a light, calm aroma; and promotes a relaxing environment. Formulated without mineral oil, it is vegan friendly and suitable for everyday use.
KEY INGREDIENTS: Apricot oil, Prickly pear oil, Lavender essential oil, Coriander essential oil, Bergamot essential oil, Ylang Ylang essential oil, and Geranium essential oil.

Baby Wipes: (we still use)  These versatile wipes are made with a soft, thick material that can handle a variety of messes and can be used on any part of your infant’s skin, leaving a soothing, light scent from our Calm essential oil blend. KEY INGREDIENTS: Apple fruit extract, Soapberry fruit extract, Aloe, Calendula extract, and Lavender essential oil.

Diaper Rash Cream: Seedlings Diaper Rash Cream can be used as a preventative measure before bed or anytime when exposure to wet diapers may be prolonged. The extra gentle, mild formula—developed specially for your infant’s tender skin—seals out wetness and helps balance skin moisture while reducing redness.
KEY INGREDIENTS: Non-nano zinc oxide, Mango butter, Murumuru butter, Lavender essential oil, German Chamomile essential oil, and Helichrysum essential oil

KidScents® Shampoo: contains no synthetic perfumes, colors, or toxic ingredients. The natural components in this shampoo—aloe, MSM, Chamomile, and Tangerine and Lemon essential oils—effectively and gently cleanse without causing irritation.  KidScents® Shampoo contains: Natural ingredients, therapeutic-grade essential oils, no mineral oils, no synthetic perfumes, no artificial colorings, no toxic ingredients.

Just a side note: Laundry detergent contains the most toxins of all items in your home, check out the YL line of thieves products here. If ordering please use enroller/sponsor ID 1754913.

As your kids grow so does the possibility of other products you can use. I recommend the thieves laundry detergent, thieves house cleaner, sunscreen, insect repellant, toothpaste and vitamins to start off with!!

This is your chance to plant that first seed of wellness to your new baby or to give the gift of wellness to the most precious miracle imaginable.

**** GIVAWAY**** Comment below, let me know which product you would like to try for one entry. Order the full set of products here and automatically get a free seedling product from me!!! I can’t wait for you to try it!!

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Mom Of The Year

          Unfu*k Yourself 

“Before you think ‘but …’ or start to get your knickers in a twist….let me say one more thing: By defending your circumstances as they are right now, you are actually making a case for being where you are. Giving it up.” (Unfu*k Yourself, Gary John Bishop)

This resonates with me on so many levels. I made excuses for my miserable situation for so many years not because I was okay with it or trying to fool myself but because I was embarrassed by it.  I lived a life of unfulfilled promises, lack of love, lack of passion, regret, resentment and the list goes on. I allowed it becaus i was embarrassed of my situation and having to admit I made a really big mistake by staying where I stood.

When I finally realized that life is so much more then the misrable life I was muddling through and tolerating I felt a sense of freedom even though I didn’t actually take action physically. Mentally I decided my son deserved more then this, I didn’t want him thinking that constant disappointment and fighting was how life was supposed to be. With this I started to build the life I wanted him to have. Julian was only a year old, I started positive affirmations with him as he went to sleep or when we were playing, actually whenever I could. When he was bullied at 3 I started making cards of how awesome he was and had him tell me why he was amazing and loved himself. At that moment, to teach by example I started to do the same. There was my shift.

Making myself be accountable for how I feel about myself opened me up to a shift in my life. It was very hard for me at first. When you’re in a loveless marriage, unappreciated, ignored and put down daily, no matter your strength if you’re not contering it, it seeps in and becomes your aweful reality. Each day I would pick 3 different things to love about me until I acknowledged it was real, I believed it because it was true. 

I am not willing to put up with, make excuses or hide behind embarrassment anymore. I am the hero of my own story. I am moving onward and upward, why should I? Julian deserves it, moreover deserve it. I love being a mom, holistic practitioner, essential oil teacher, blogger, friend, sister, daughter and all the other hats I wear because I am writing this story on my terms.

Young Living

Cyber Monday and Young Living

*CYBER MONDAY DEALS* 8am MT-11:29pm MT (10:00am EST-1:29am EST)

👉15 % off Ningxia Red 2 pack
(Free Red shot included)
👉15 % off Ningxia Red 4 pack
(free Red Shot Included)
👉 15 % off Ningxia Red 2 oz. Singles
(Free Red Shot included)
👉 15 % off Ningxia Nitro
(Free Red Shot included)
👉 15 % off Zyng
(Free Red Shot Included)
👉 15 % off these three Vitality oils: Peppermint, Cinnamon Bark, and Lime

So why are the products some of my fave and why is Ningxia nectar of LIFE?! Read on 👇
🍷Ningxia Red: Antioxidant Supplement powerhouse that supports every single body system. Provides trace minerals, amino acids, Infused with Citrus oils, and more. The people of the Ningxia region in China believe the Ningxia Wolfberry is the secret sauce to their incredible wellness and longevity of life.

💥 Ningxia NITRO: Physical and mental energy booster in a tiny tube! Skip the energy drink and grab a NITRO. Infused with essential oils, botanical extracts, D-ribose, Korean ginseng, and green tea extract, NITRO supports both physical and cognitive fitness 💪.

⚡️Zyng: Sparkling drink lovers unite with this delicious essential- oil infused goodness. Zyng contains the same wolfberry purée found in Ningxia Red, with sparkling water, pear and blackberry juices and a hint of lime and black pepper vitality oils! Not only delicious, but perfect for an afternoon pick-me-up without artificial flavors and preservatives.

🌱 Peppermint Vitality: Add some extra freshness to your Ningxia shots with a drop of peppermint vitality! Use as a natural breath freshener, add a drop to some tea or your bullet proof ☕️ coffee and let your inner Energizer 🐰 Bunny out! And support your Digestive system while you’re at it!

🍁 Cinnamon Bark Vitality: Who loves sweet and spicy? 🙋 Add a drop of this to your Ningxia for some 🔥 heat! Perfect to add to your holiday baking as well. Beyond the yummy flavor this oil supports the digestive system and is great for heart health too. Bam!

🍈 Lime Vitality: My go-to oil to add to Ningxia and of course all the guacamole you could ever eat. But did you also know this oil supports the respiratory and immune system? Yup! Tasty and good for your body too!! Give me all the Lime Vitality.

🔥 Red Shot: A blend of tangerine, mandarin, lime, grapefruit, cassia, and spearmint. You know that Red Hot candy? That’s what it tastes like to me! 😂This oil is priceless because we can’t buy it in the virtual office. We were able to grab some at convention and it’s in the Club Red Holiday set, but that’s it! It also contains Cassia, an essential oil we can only get in the Oils of Ancient Scripture kit! So um, yeah I’m gonna be grabbing up a few of these. Cassia is fabulous for the immune system and cardiovascular system and those citrus oils are all vitality oils that are immune system support powerhouses! And Spearmint Vitality is great for the digestive system, weight management, and it’s actually a big oil for your emotional well being by opening up and releasing emotional blocks.

Wondering what it would be to purchase all these goodies at 15 % off? 328.95pv and this means you get FIVE free Red Shots and ALL the YL promos if it’s your first or second 300pv for the month.

Order here: http://www.youngliving.com/jvlacich

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I am worth it · living fit · Manifest 2017 in 17 Seconds · Meditation Minded · Prepping Healthy Meals For Better Eating Habbits

Living Fit and Feeling ALIVE

This might be my shortest blog post ever lol
My transformation has been massive these last 30 days. The Livingfit.club has been a life changer for me, I haven’t had one so big since I started using my Young Living Oils! I invite you to join me on this journey. They say it is more than just a treadmill and a salad – this is an understatement for real. I have been struggling through life to get things completed and was in need of a restart and extra push. This was it for me. I have mental clarity, enough to complete writing my book, finish 3 list of things to do not to mention losing weight and inches, fitting into clothes that once were too tight, I lost more inches than pounds which makes me really happy. I feel free and awake, more then I have in a long time.
Check out the website https://lfcportal.com/challenges and join my team 177 Ningxia Ninjas, I promise you won’t be sorry at all!!! I won’t stop posting until I am heard xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Manifest 2017 in 17 Seconds · Meditation Minded


iamManifestation is something very real and tangible. I believe in vision boards, meditation, visualization and “I am” statements. They work as long as you keep them in sight and repeat them daily out loud as well as in your head. Put it out into the universe and the universe will respond.

When ever I start reading my “I am” affirmations I always hear Mike Shinoda’s voice from Linkin Park “I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints, but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel.  But it’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you, to just believe this is real”  and soon enters Chester Bennington fiercely “Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored”. (Faint, Meteora 2003)  This is my inner fight within myself daily. I won’t ignore my inner self anymore.

Most people put themselves down without even realizing they are doing it. How many times in a day do you think “ah I can’t, I shouldn’t, I won’t, impossible, I wish” I ask why not?  When you put things on paper and take them out of your head they become reality. Once you see the words in front of you and read it aloud over and over it will soon become the script of your life.  Who are you? What are you? You can change the reality of your life with the words “I AM”.  You write these statements as if it has already happened, you are already living this life that is your best life.

I am powerful

I am enough

I am successful

I am an amazing mom

I am peaceful

I am love

I am an elevated soul

I am a home owner

I am a published author

I am disciplined

I am a great example

I am in control of my eating

I am a great saver

I am a great leader

I am debt free

I am able to help others financially

I am living a life with purpose

I am aware of my abilities

What are you? Are you where you want to be? What are you going to do about it? Publishing these I am affirmations of mine is taking me out of my comfort zone and putting it out in the biggest way I know how. Start your list and see how long it comes into fruition! You are worth it, you deserve it and YOU ARE!



Uncategorized · Young Living

Making This Change for MY Health



This is my time to shine. I have been working on my weight and health for many years now. I am part of Young Living but aside from using my oils on Julian and myself I haven’t been doing much sharing. I have just been so focused on healing, mentally from my pending divorce and abusive marriage, physically from my many ailments that they still don’t have answers for and emotionally from both.

I love my oils because they have helped me deal with my health by supporting my immune system and for Julian his respiratory  and immune system. Not to mention the great income it affords me to keep up with life while not working. I am now ready to take the next step in life and do a total reset on my health. Young Living has a Living Fit Club, my section of YL is called Triharmony Oilers. Our leader (nothing cult like about it lol) has made every tool available to us to help us succeed and I am using it to the fullest.

This fit club is more than just resetting health, it shows you how to eat whole foods, no fillers as well as learning about how to keep negativity out of your life and how to work on your finances. Just for joining up I received 500 wellness dollars to go towards a vacation and can earn up to 500.00 more throughout the year because yes, vacations are required.  As well as building a stress free and debt free life. They offer recipes, exercise videos, overall support, a Facebook group, travel information in one click, and if you want to take Young Living to the next level and make it a business they have the videos and training for that too. 

The first challenge I joined starts in 19 days and I am going to be putting together a team. You can check out the fit club here. My sponsor number is 236006 should you decide to take the leap of wellness with me. If you want to learn more in person we are having an event, please see below for the details.  I hope you choose to join me on this amazing journey of wellness because we are both WORTH IT!

living fit club
Guess what is in less than 3 weeks away? The next Young Living RALLY! Know what that means? New products AND product specials! But that’s not all… We are focusing this Long Island rally on the Living Fit Club so you learn how you can grow your life AND your business.

And here’s the deal for current LFC members:
Get to the event and earn $100 wellness dollars towards travel and $50 wellness dollars for each new person you bring to our event.

I realize that many of you do not live anywhere near us SO I want to offer you something, too! Go to any YL Rally near you (or host one), show me that you were indeed there, and I will give you $100 wellness dollars, too! #TeamYL #LFCstrong

To register for the Long Island event, go here:

Not close to us? No worries! Go on YL’s website and look for a Rally near you! They are all over the world.

Mom Of The Year

Who I Thought I Was Vs. Who I Am

mom-of-the-year-imageBefore having Julian I pictured the awesome mother I was going to be. Easy pregnancies, amazing births and no sleepless nights because we would do everything together. No television for sure just listen to classical music, stimulation the baby’s mind. I would make all my own baby food as I breast fed each baby for 2.7 years. We would only eat organic, no meat, no fast food ever. I had all of our afternoons playing in the park, going to museums and making tons of DIY crafts. Taking every class offered at Michael’s, Home Depot and at the library. We wouldn’t need the library for books because we have our very own on the second floor of our house filled with books that we all spend time reading every Sunday. We would laugh and share the story we just read at our fabulous Sunday dinner.

Soccer, violin, chess, physics, baseball, dance, yoga, long walks and bike rides in a new park each week. Oh my goodness, walls of finger paintings and rows of planted flowers to go around our garden full of fruits, vegetables and herbs that we maintain and take care of daily on our acer of a backyard. Swimming lessons, backyard BBQ’s with full decorations that everyone would want for sure. My hair and make up always on point and I would never curse or lose my shit. Homemade meals every night with beautiful lunches and little “have a great day” notes in the lunch box for everyone.  Our green lawn that no one could figure out how we keep it so green. Kids outside, me and their father with them having picnics together, playing games and of course laughing to no end.

Amazing family vacations every year, a passport filled with stamps, no state unvisited.  Girls getaway weekends that we go on every year, with time and money to spend. Date nights a few times a month, nothing but smiles, laughter and love. When we come home the children are all tucked in sleeping and we have a quite moment by the fireplace. Spontaneous trips, surprise anniversary parties, surprise birthday parties and amazing just because gifts. Never raising our voices or even having to because our kids are so well behaved, model children.

Now for reality!!! I had a few miscarriages before being given a chance to be a mom to Julian. My gratitude for this miracle, there are no words. My pregnancy was hard, labor and delivery even harder, ending in an emergency C-section which I would do all over again at any moment.

Julian slept for about 5 hours straight by his 5th week, allowing me to finally sleep for 4 hours. I had the baby blues and looking back I would say it might have been even more than that. When Julian was 11 days old I saw a maternal and wellness social worker who helped me understand wtf was going on. She told my husband that I have to sleep at least 5 hours a night/day and needed time alone. That lasted for a few weeks and then I was back on my own.

Home made food was replaced with store bought, although it was organic, well most of the time… some of the time. I did breast feed but most of the time it was pumped milk because sitting there while he fed gave me anxiety. I wasn’t sure he was getting enough milk or if he was sleeping or eating and I couldn’t sit through it so I pumped and stored the milk for when it was needed.  I breast fed until I had to go back to work because I felt clumsy and unsure of myself to do it at the daycare. I went to the daycare at lunch time to see my little and got to see all the “perfect” moms breastfeeding their littles and for the first month it really brought me down until I realized – I am just not that mom. I also got to know the other moms and realized they struggled just like me.

I kept up with no TV for the first 4 months, okay 3 months. If I needed to shower I would put him in the swing or jumpy thing and put the TV onto something educational, eventually settling for PBS and Sprout. Once I felt the freedom of a shower I used the magical box to entertain while I cooked, made a phone call or went to the bathroom almost alone as my two Boston Terriers needed to make sure I survived the trip to the toilet. I did cook every night, organic, local produce and I still do, but there are some chicken nuggets thrown in there along with some hot dogs, both organic to make me feel better about going against my anti meat idea.  We don’t eat fast food often but in a pinch chicken and french fries saves the day. We also order pizza once a week but pizza isn’t fast food .. right?

Julian plays soccer and has since he was 2 only because he doesn’t walk, he runs everywhere so I thought that would be a good outlet. He tried basketball which he stunk at, and I am okay saying that because not everyone can be good at everything. He is amazing at puzzles, mazes, and constructing things. He can make his train tracks into a wonderful town with many complex railways all from an idea in his head. He can take apart Legos that were put together with the instruction booklet and make them into something equally amazing. He gets frustrated but through mindfulness that I taught him he can settle himself down. We did yoga for a while, Julian made up his own superhero routine that we did up until my recent issues.

I curse, I lose my shit.. often and Julian sometimes reminds me to take a deep breath and walk away. That makes me proud, not only is he using what I taught him but he is giving it back to me to help remind me of my mindfulness. We have open dialogs about the words I chose and why I lost it. We talk a lot about anything and everything, but not as a family, just the two of us. We have a garden that grows in old tires I found and painted. The flowers I planted from the box of wild flowers from the dollar store come up every year and I don’t touch it. We rent a small apartment and live in close quarters and we’re good with that for now. Julian and I eat dinner together every night, sometimes at the table sometimes in the living room in front of the TV ::gasp:: so what.  We have our community service Saturdays that get planned but not always executed, and that is okay because lazy day Saturdays are fun too. We’ve been to a few museums, all revolving  around dinosaurs and filled pairs of socks with stuff for the homeless to give out along the way. Julian and I spend time at a few parks here and there, travel to Brooklyn or to NC to see my sister but no fancy family vacations on that private island.  Although Julian and I went on a cruise once and I wouldn’t EVER recommend going alone on a cruise with a 3 year old and neither would the other guest.

I don’t have three kids or that loving husband either. That’s okay. I am the mom I am supposed to be. I am not perfect and chances are the women or family that you might be admiring isn’t either. Life didn’t go as planned and that is okay too. My marriage wasn’t what I hoped for but my son is more then I could have ever wished for. I am forever grateful for that man because without him I wouldn’t have my miracle. Julian doesn’t have an attentive or selfless father but that is okay because he has me and others around that appreciate the gentle soul he is.

It is okay to fail, just understand that you are not a failure.  It is okay to be upset, cry, laugh and wish for something more but appreciate all you have in the moment because there is someone out there wishing they had all you have.

We have good days and bad days, you can’t appreciate one without the other and we learn from both. There are days I want to run away and just give up, but I don’t. I feel my feelings and move on. My little is always watching, he sees me mess up and he sees me achieve my goals. He sees me laugh and he has seen me cry.

I don’t have even close to anything these other moms have in my community and I am okay with that. I am an awesome mom that has so much love for my son and my life, turns out that is all we really need. We use our oils, practice what we preach, give what we can and love with all our heart. I might not be that perfect mom to the world but I am to the one that counts the most.


YouTube, Adventures With Julian

Sunrise to Sunset


Our summers in the past have been jam packed with things to do revolving around my work schedule. This summer much like last has been different because of my limitations on what I can do. Does Julian care, it would seem not, as he is just happy to be hanging out with me. I think about the difference from when I was working compared to how things are now. Is it better to be the working mom or the slightly sick stay at home mom?

I planned things non stop with other working moms for after work once we picked our littles up from daycare, which was located on the grounds of our job. I made up different adventures for Julian and I to do, lists of adventures to be exact. I basically made sure if I wasn’t working we were doing something even if it was just game night in our house. I lived everyday with the guilt that someone else was taking care of him while I worked. I tried to do as much as possible with him to get rid of the guilt but in reality it just made us both tired. It also gave Julian the expectation that we would always be on the move which gave us limited rest days, if any at all.

Fast forward to January of 2016, I had septicemia, was in the hospital for weeks and it was my last time stepping foot into my office as a worker. I was placed on leave without pay/unpaid medical leave. I applied for SSDI and for disability retirement through my job. The disability retirement that I applied for a year ago was just approved a few days ago as I sit in court with state disability.  I was left with no pay but the freedom to be home with Julian mid kindergarten year. I was able to be there for the Royal Tea party, although I am sure I could have gotten the time off of work to go but I would have had to rush back. I was able to volunteer for the science fair which we were both super excited about. Eventually I realized aside from that there wasn’t much else I could do, one because I have zero income and two because I was just sick or in pain from past injuries to my back.

I can honestly say I miss my job, the people. the purpose and most of all the paycheck. On the other hand I love being home with Julian. Not having the means to do much it made me slow the eff down and realize he doesn’t want or need to be whisked away  running from one bounce house, play date, vacation or whatever to be happy. This year I have been in the hospital twice, all he wants is to hang out with me wherever I am. I hate that being in the hospital has become a common normalcy for us but it has made me realize that what I wanted to give him, what my guilt wanted to give him really wasn’t necessary.  All we both needed was time, which is exactly what today was all about.

Long Island has an abundance of beaches to pick from, one of our favorites is Robert Moses. We got up at 4:30 am went and bought some breakfast and headed to the beach to make sure we didn’t miss the 5:43 sunrise. It was beautiful, we watched it cuddled in a blanket. It was too cold and the water was too rough to let him go in so we left soon after only to return at 5:00 pm. We set up camp and I got to watch and record him playing in the water, with his toys and just having fun. As the sun started to set we went to our blanket, he dried off and we took in the lavender sky, we even got to meditate to the crashing of the waves. It was a perfect day filled with laughter and bonding.

Working, not working, active or not – the time we spend, not the quantity but the quality is all that truly matters.  Enjoy your days as well as your nights and give those you love something great to reminisce about in the future.

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