Uncategorized · Young Living

Making This Change for MY Health

 

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This is my time to shine. I have been working on my weight and health for many years now. I am part of Young Living but aside from using my oils on Julian and myself I haven’t been doing much sharing. I have just been so focused on healing, mentally from my pending divorce and abusive marriage, physically from my many ailments that they still don’t have answers for and emotionally from both.

I love my oils because they have helped me deal with my health by supporting my immune system and for Julian his respiratory  and immune system. Not to mention the great income it affords me to keep up with life while not working. I am now ready to take the next step in life and do a total reset on my health. Young Living has a Living Fit Club, my section of YL is called Triharmony Oilers. Our leader (nothing cult like about it lol) has made every tool available to us to help us succeed and I am using it to the fullest.

This fit club is more than just resetting health, it shows you how to eat whole foods, no fillers as well as learning about how to keep negativity out of your life and how to work on your finances. Just for joining up I received 500 wellness dollars to go towards a vacation and can earn up to 500.00 more throughout the year because yes, vacations are required.  As well as building a stress free and debt free life. They offer recipes, exercise videos, overall support, a Facebook group, travel information in one click, and if you want to take Young Living to the next level and make it a business they have the videos and training for that too. 

The first challenge I joined starts in 19 days and I am going to be putting together a team. You can check out the fit club here. My sponsor number is 236006 should you decide to take the leap of wellness with me. If you want to learn more in person we are having an event, please see below for the details.  I hope you choose to join me on this amazing journey of wellness because we are both WORTH IT!

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Guess what is in less than 3 weeks away? The next Young Living RALLY! Know what that means? New products AND product specials! But that’s not all… We are focusing this Long Island rally on the Living Fit Club so you learn how you can grow your life AND your business.

And here’s the deal for current LFC members:
Get to the event and earn $100 wellness dollars towards travel and $50 wellness dollars for each new person you bring to our event.

I realize that many of you do not live anywhere near us SO I want to offer you something, too! Go to any YL Rally near you (or host one), show me that you were indeed there, and I will give you $100 wellness dollars, too! #TeamYL #LFCstrong

To register for the Long Island event, go here:
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Not close to us? No worries! Go on YL’s website and look for a Rally near you! They are all over the world.

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Mom Of The Year

Who I Thought I Was Vs. Who I Am

mom-of-the-year-imageBefore having Julian I pictured the awesome mother I was going to be. Easy pregnancies, amazing births and no sleepless nights because we would do everything together. No television for sure just listen to classical music, stimulation the baby’s mind. I would make all my own baby food as I breast fed each baby for 2.7 years. We would only eat organic, no meat, no fast food ever. I had all of our afternoons playing in the park, going to museums and making tons of DIY crafts. Taking every class offered at Michael’s, Home Depot and at the library. We wouldn’t need the library for books because we have our very own on the second floor of our house filled with books that we all spend time reading every Sunday. We would laugh and share the story we just read at our fabulous Sunday dinner.

Soccer, violin, chess, physics, baseball, dance, yoga, long walks and bike rides in a new park each week. Oh my goodness, walls of finger paintings and rows of planted flowers to go around our garden full of fruits, vegetables and herbs that we maintain and take care of daily on our acer of a backyard. Swimming lessons, backyard BBQ’s with full decorations that everyone would want for sure. My hair and make up always on point and I would never curse or lose my shit. Homemade meals every night with beautiful lunches and little “have a great day” notes in the lunch box for everyone.  Our green lawn that no one could figure out how we keep it so green. Kids outside, me and their father with them having picnics together, playing games and of course laughing to no end.

Amazing family vacations every year, a passport filled with stamps, no state unvisited.  Girls getaway weekends that we go on every year, with time and money to spend. Date nights a few times a month, nothing but smiles, laughter and love. When we come home the children are all tucked in sleeping and we have a quite moment by the fireplace. Spontaneous trips, surprise anniversary parties, surprise birthday parties and amazing just because gifts. Never raising our voices or even having to because our kids are so well behaved, model children.

Now for reality!!! I had a few miscarriages before being given a chance to be a mom to Julian. My gratitude for this miracle, there are no words. My pregnancy was hard, labor and delivery even harder, ending in an emergency C-section which I would do all over again at any moment.

Julian slept for about 5 hours straight by his 5th week, allowing me to finally sleep for 4 hours. I had the baby blues and looking back I would say it might have been even more than that. When Julian was 11 days old I saw a maternal and wellness social worker who helped me understand wtf was going on. She told my husband that I have to sleep at least 5 hours a night/day and needed time alone. That lasted for a few weeks and then I was back on my own.

Home made food was replaced with store bought, although it was organic, well most of the time… some of the time. I did breast feed but most of the time it was pumped milk because sitting there while he fed gave me anxiety. I wasn’t sure he was getting enough milk or if he was sleeping or eating and I couldn’t sit through it so I pumped and stored the milk for when it was needed.  I breast fed until I had to go back to work because I felt clumsy and unsure of myself to do it at the daycare. I went to the daycare at lunch time to see my little and got to see all the “perfect” moms breastfeeding their littles and for the first month it really brought me down until I realized – I am just not that mom. I also got to know the other moms and realized they struggled just like me.

I kept up with no TV for the first 4 months, okay 3 months. If I needed to shower I would put him in the swing or jumpy thing and put the TV onto something educational, eventually settling for PBS and Sprout. Once I felt the freedom of a shower I used the magical box to entertain while I cooked, made a phone call or went to the bathroom almost alone as my two Boston Terriers needed to make sure I survived the trip to the toilet. I did cook every night, organic, local produce and I still do, but there are some chicken nuggets thrown in there along with some hot dogs, both organic to make me feel better about going against my anti meat idea.  We don’t eat fast food often but in a pinch chicken and french fries saves the day. We also order pizza once a week but pizza isn’t fast food .. right?

Julian plays soccer and has since he was 2 only because he doesn’t walk, he runs everywhere so I thought that would be a good outlet. He tried basketball which he stunk at, and I am okay saying that because not everyone can be good at everything. He is amazing at puzzles, mazes, and constructing things. He can make his train tracks into a wonderful town with many complex railways all from an idea in his head. He can take apart Legos that were put together with the instruction booklet and make them into something equally amazing. He gets frustrated but through mindfulness that I taught him he can settle himself down. We did yoga for a while, Julian made up his own superhero routine that we did up until my recent issues.

I curse, I lose my shit.. often and Julian sometimes reminds me to take a deep breath and walk away. That makes me proud, not only is he using what I taught him but he is giving it back to me to help remind me of my mindfulness. We have open dialogs about the words I chose and why I lost it. We talk a lot about anything and everything, but not as a family, just the two of us. We have a garden that grows in old tires I found and painted. The flowers I planted from the box of wild flowers from the dollar store come up every year and I don’t touch it. We rent a small apartment and live in close quarters and we’re good with that for now. Julian and I eat dinner together every night, sometimes at the table sometimes in the living room in front of the TV ::gasp:: so what.  We have our community service Saturdays that get planned but not always executed, and that is okay because lazy day Saturdays are fun too. We’ve been to a few museums, all revolving  around dinosaurs and filled pairs of socks with stuff for the homeless to give out along the way. Julian and I spend time at a few parks here and there, travel to Brooklyn or to NC to see my sister but no fancy family vacations on that private island.  Although Julian and I went on a cruise once and I wouldn’t EVER recommend going alone on a cruise with a 3 year old and neither would the other guest.

I don’t have three kids or that loving husband either. That’s okay. I am the mom I am supposed to be. I am not perfect and chances are the women or family that you might be admiring isn’t either. Life didn’t go as planned and that is okay too. My marriage wasn’t what I hoped for but my son is more then I could have ever wished for. I am forever grateful for that man because without him I wouldn’t have my miracle. Julian doesn’t have an attentive or selfless father but that is okay because he has me and others around that appreciate the gentle soul he is.

It is okay to fail, just understand that you are not a failure.  It is okay to be upset, cry, laugh and wish for something more but appreciate all you have in the moment because there is someone out there wishing they had all you have.

We have good days and bad days, you can’t appreciate one without the other and we learn from both. There are days I want to run away and just give up, but I don’t. I feel my feelings and move on. My little is always watching, he sees me mess up and he sees me achieve my goals. He sees me laugh and he has seen me cry.

I don’t have even close to anything these other moms have in my community and I am okay with that. I am an awesome mom that has so much love for my son and my life, turns out that is all we really need. We use our oils, practice what we preach, give what we can and love with all our heart. I might not be that perfect mom to the world but I am to the one that counts the most.

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YouTube, Adventures With Julian

Sunrise to Sunset

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Our summers in the past have been jam packed with things to do revolving around my work schedule. This summer much like last has been different because of my limitations on what I can do. Does Julian care, it would seem not, as he is just happy to be hanging out with me. I think about the difference from when I was working compared to how things are now. Is it better to be the working mom or the slightly sick stay at home mom?

I planned things non stop with other working moms for after work once we picked our littles up from daycare, which was located on the grounds of our job. I made up different adventures for Julian and I to do, lists of adventures to be exact. I basically made sure if I wasn’t working we were doing something even if it was just game night in our house. I lived everyday with the guilt that someone else was taking care of him while I worked. I tried to do as much as possible with him to get rid of the guilt but in reality it just made us both tired. It also gave Julian the expectation that we would always be on the move which gave us limited rest days, if any at all.

Fast forward to January of 2016, I had septicemia, was in the hospital for weeks and it was my last time stepping foot into my office as a worker. I was placed on leave without pay/unpaid medical leave. I applied for SSDI and for disability retirement through my job. The disability retirement that I applied for a year ago was just approved a few days ago as I sit in court with state disability.  I was left with no pay but the freedom to be home with Julian mid kindergarten year. I was able to be there for the Royal Tea party, although I am sure I could have gotten the time off of work to go but I would have had to rush back. I was able to volunteer for the science fair which we were both super excited about. Eventually I realized aside from that there wasn’t much else I could do, one because I have zero income and two because I was just sick or in pain from past injuries to my back.

I can honestly say I miss my job, the people. the purpose and most of all the paycheck. On the other hand I love being home with Julian. Not having the means to do much it made me slow the eff down and realize he doesn’t want or need to be whisked away  running from one bounce house, play date, vacation or whatever to be happy. This year I have been in the hospital twice, all he wants is to hang out with me wherever I am. I hate that being in the hospital has become a common normalcy for us but it has made me realize that what I wanted to give him, what my guilt wanted to give him really wasn’t necessary.  All we both needed was time, which is exactly what today was all about.

Long Island has an abundance of beaches to pick from, one of our favorites is Robert Moses. We got up at 4:30 am went and bought some breakfast and headed to the beach to make sure we didn’t miss the 5:43 sunrise. It was beautiful, we watched it cuddled in a blanket. It was too cold and the water was too rough to let him go in so we left soon after only to return at 5:00 pm. We set up camp and I got to watch and record him playing in the water, with his toys and just having fun. As the sun started to set we went to our blanket, he dried off and we took in the lavender sky, we even got to meditate to the crashing of the waves. It was a perfect day filled with laughter and bonding.

Working, not working, active or not – the time we spend, not the quantity but the quality is all that truly matters.  Enjoy your days as well as your nights and give those you love something great to reminisce about in the future.

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Uncategorized

YouTube and You!

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A summer list of things to do turned into a home bound summer with lots of healing for me. I have been sick off and on for the past few years with no true explanation. I go soon for more testing to see if they can pin point my issues. This put a huge damper on our summer bucket list. Julian LOVES watching different channels on YouTube and wanted to start his own.

I already had a channel set up for my oils, which only has one video uploaded so far. So I changed the name to “The Guillaume Family, Adventures With Julian” and we started recording videos. So far I think we have 12 all together and are working on many different ideas for future videos. I was warned by one of my doctors to not allow Julian’s face to be seen on the channel. I am a very protective mother but feel that it is okay to have him on line showing what he loves. He is fully dressed and doing nothing inappropriate although I do know that a child can just exist and still attract a pervert no matter where they are, in person or on line. I decided to go forward and upload the videos and make them public.

Julian is a kid that is uncomfortable having a lot of attention on him and hates speaking in front of people. I feel that this is a great way to get him comfortable speaking in front of an audience, even if he is not physically in front of him. He loves talking about his toys, dinos and giving instructions on what he has learned. He is using his creativity to come up with different ideas for a video and figuring out what to use and how. He is his own director, producer and star of the show while I get to be the camera women behind the scenes.  His self esteem and confidence has increased an enormous amount.

We’ve gone to many garage sales as it allows us to find things to be a part of his videos that will keep us in budget since I have no consistent income right now. It is also something we can do together since I’m limited to what I can do and where I can go. This past weekend we went to 14 garage sales and found many treasures to add to his collection of ideas. We had a great time, his excitement and overall awe of going to so many garage sales was awesome.

I shared his channel on FaceBook asking people to like his videos and possibly subscribe and he was over the moon as he saw the numbers go up and that he got 5, YES 5 subscribers, only one that we know. I feel horrible that our bucket list has been put on hold until my PICC line comes out and get clearance to finally end my meds but Julian doesn’t seem to mind. We have recorded videos and uploaded them which he stated was his life long dream (he’s 7 lol).   In our hallway we have a collection of pictures, we add a few each day for an art show that we will have at the end of the summer and he’s gotten to sleep in without being rushed to go anyplace. He is happy even without all my planned activities…imagine that!!

If you want to check out our masterful creations, lol, you can check out Julian here Adventures With Julian.

Happy You Tube-ing everyone

Uncategorized

Three Little Birds

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This weekend coming I’m getting the picture above tattooed on me. Almost a year ago one of my best friends passed away from cancer. She was the most amazing spirit and I know she continues to walk with me today.

Out of respect for her family I decided not to post her name. This was not only an amazing selfless friend but an amazing mother to two under 5, wife, sister, social worker, kind compassionate and caring human. A true example of practice what you preach, a lover of love and life.

I went for my mammogram a month and a half before she did, the biopsy of my lump was a negative nothing while hers was full blown stage 4 cancer. The cancer was a leach that sucked out life from her until there was none. She followed every guideline giving by every doctor with no positive results. Her attitude was always up and up. She was a fighter, a survivor a warrior. Unfortunately the cancer had a secret weapon that was unable to be broken.

The tattoo was one she, another friend and I were going to get once she kicked cancers ass. I keep putting off getting it because even after all this time it still seems unreal that she’s not here to get it with me. To say I miss her daily is an understatement, I pray for those kids everyday along with her husband and family as well as sending them Reiki. Thier pain must echo mine X 100, I wish I could do more but like her they’re “all good.”

Her free spirit is with me always, watching over those beautiful kids and there to wipe her husbands tears away. The love of her community of family, friends and clients will be felt and heard forever. She has changed our lives, made us better people and always loved me even when I couldn’t love myself.

Three Little Birds
Don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Singing’ don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Rise up this mornin’
Smiled with the risin’ sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying’, (this is my message to you)
Singing’ don’t worry ’bout a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Singing’ don’t worry (don’t worry) ’bout a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Rise up this mornin’
Smiled with the risin’ sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Sayin’, this is my message to you
Singin’ don’t worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh
Every little thing gonna be alright, don’t worry
Singin’
alright / Pitch by my doorstep Singin’ sweet songs Of …
Aug 23, 2014 – Three little birdsLyrics by Bob Marley: Dont worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. 
Genre‎: ‎Roots reggae
Recorded‎: ‎1977
Writer(s)‎: ‎Bob Marley

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The Process of Seperation

Describe Yourself in 360 Characters

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I joined a dating on line website thinking I was ready to get back out there. We are still married, he is dating someone and our marriage has been dead for at least 4 years. Because of this I thought I was ready to jump back in slowly.. dip my toe in the water. I signed up with no picture and the briefest description. My hobbies listed were Target, I couldn’t be with someone that doesn’t appreciate Targets greatness. Next my son, oh wait I needed to change the order of that since he is my number one and don’t want people thinking I love target more than Julian lol. I listed building Legos, being a mom, cooking and some traveling. I wanted to list catching up on sleep, being in a vegetative state and picking up after EVERYONE, but I decided not to.

After week one, getting messages about threesomes and hook ups with that description of nothingness I decided to add one picture and change my intro. Problem is all pictures of me include my son because we are joined at the hip for the most part. Even my selfies have his face attached to check. I put a big heart over his face on one of my favorite pictures of us and posted it. I changed my intro to a simple “coming out of a 17 year marriage, looking for friends, just seeing what is out here.  Again I got the crazy messages, my favorite was ” I have a female friend tht loves your picture and wants to be your sex slave”.  With that I also got serious messages from guys that seemed okay.

One in particular always had something to say each day no matter how small. Guys when messaging a female that you might be interested in don’t start out by calling her babe, sweetheart, baby, even starting a message with beautiful “hey beautiful, how are things”. This is such a turn off to me, then when I do tell you my name you take it upon yourself to shorten it with a nickname, why ask my name if you’re going to rename me?

I took the questions people were asking me on a serious note, including my frequent flyer (ff) and changed my intro again:

“Hi! I’m coming out of a 17 year marriage and not looking for anything serious, possible friends. I have one son and I am a holistic practitioner and blogger.

I am a mom first, I’m my son’s den leader in the Scouts as well as his religion teacher, he is my number 1. Although I teach religion I am more of a spiritual person who believes there is good in any situation. I’m sarcastic, I love to laugh and hate drama. I’m not looking to hook up, it really has been a long time since I’ve been single so I’m taking it slow.

I’m looking forward to what the future holds for me.”

This intro got me even more messages about hooking up and even more “meet me” request. So either I am speaking a secret language that I am unaware of or these people just don’t read.

My ff  sent me messages checking in, asking about my day and asking about things I like, which was nice but when I asked these questions back I never got answers. He asked me to exchange phone numbers, which I declined and then asked me to send him a voice message so he can bask in the sound of my voice (gag). I promised myself that I would listen to my gut feeling and with him I felt something was off. He asked if I was just separated and not divorced which it states on my profile in the questions you have to answer, I was honest “YES”, his reply, “I will be understanding and patient with you and you must do the same with me”  Excuse me “I MUST” no sir, I am not looking for anything other then to chit chat on line which I made extremely clear, I was not looking to meet or hook up. I was not asking for anything. Most of his following messages made me feel like he was doing me a favor by talking to me so I blocked him.

He made me realize that my intuition should always be listened to, if I don’t feel comfortable in a situation it is okay to remove myself from it. I also realize that I am not ready for these sites just yet. The offering of a sex slave was interesting but with the offer of someone else who I thought was awesome on the site asking to meet up I feel I am not ready for that. I explained this and he was gracious and a gentleman. When I am ready, if he is still single I will seek him out and see where it goes!

 

Manifest 2017 in 17 Seconds · Uncategorized

Crystal Grids

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What is a Crystal Grid?

Crystal grids are grids made up of crystals to help manifest an intended goal. This can be anything that is important to you it can range from motivation to work out to world peace. It is a more powerful energy than using just one crystal. There are specific grids and crystal placement for different intentions.

Tools for Making Crystal Grids:

A clear intention is needed. It has to be a clean intention, this is what will charge your stones.

A location for your grid should be of nature: a wood dresser, a glass table, a wooden shelf, metal table, marble counter ext. Cleanse the space with sage, crystal cluster, Palo Santo, or candles.

A small piece of paper with your intention or goal written on it, you can keep this under your center crystal.

An anchor crystal for the middle of your grid; I use a  quartz crystal point. This will be more powerful for directing your intention straight up into the universe. This should coincide with your intention and doesn’t have to be quartz.

Tumbled Stones that align with your intention, you can look that up here.

A Quartz point for activation

A crystal grid cloth  which you can purchase here or you can find ones to print out on Google. I use both, use whichever you like better.

Crystal Grid Layout Process:

Clean your space by burning sage or Palo Santo

State your intention, this can be out loud or in your head. I say it aloud, I feel like it gets to the universe clearer.

Write your intention on a piece of paper

Breathe deep and say your intention for the grid as you place each of the supporting crystals  on the layout

Start from the exterior and move towards the center as you set the grid

Place your intention under the anchor crystal in the middle of the grid.

Next, activate the crystal grid layout. Take a quartz crystal point (can be small or large), and starting from the outside, draw an invisible line between each stone to energetically connect each to the next. It is like connect the dots, connecting each to the other.

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Here is a website I found that can help give you some guidance in arranging your crystals for specific intentions. You can check it out here.

 

Uncategorized

How Fast Do Oils Work?

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I had my first oily massage experience when I won a raffle at a craft fair. I was beyond excited as I never had a real massage and I love oils.  When she arrived I was nervous, do I get naked? Do I stay dressed? Do I tell her where I hurt or just let her go at it?

She guided me onto her table and covered me up. She explained what to expect and started in with the oils. It was an awsome experience from head to toe. She put peppermint on my feet and told me all the reasons I need to do this daily. Within a few minutes I could taste the peppermint in my mouth.

These oils break through the blood-brain barrier into the olfactory bulb which is a part of the brain that reacts to smells and sound. This is why a scent or song can trigger a memory. Within 20 minutes the oils have reached each of your cells and is in your blood.

The lady that came used oils other then Young Living. Once she left I did a lot of research and consulted with my mentor and realized I needed to use Young Living.

Young Living has a seed to seal process, meaning they own the seed, they own their land, they cultivate their own land, cold press the oil and test it’s purity. I know that the oil I get is a pure oil with no synthetic added to it. If there is a bad crop, that oil will be out of stock. They even invite you to visit the farms which is on my bucket list.

Our skin is our biggest organ. The oils she used didn’t recommend them to be ingested yet I tasted it in my mouth meaning it was in my body.  What we put on our body will eventually be in our body so why not make it pure?

You can check out Young Living here http://www.youngliving.com/jvguillaume

I truly believe once you see the value you will realize they are priceless!

Uncategorized

Daily Intentions

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Do you set daily intentions for yourself and/or have your child set them? Do you write them down or speak them out loud, or do both?

Everyday on our way to the bus stop we speak about what our day is going to be like; busy, sports, dinner out etc. Then we go over what a great day we’re going to have. We talk about what fun Julian will have and guess what new things he will learn that day. Some days he doesn’t want to hear it from me so I let him lead the conversation which always ends up with positive affirmations. He questions me sometimes about why I say these things and I always tell him his attitude towards the day is a choice. No matter what, he has to be in school, why not make the choice to enjoy the day.

When he gets off the bus he let’s me know if it was a great day or a not so great day and we talk about why. He’s 6 and tells me everything, something I hope will continue in the future. He understands what went wrong in his day and talks about what he would do differently should it happen again. Constant critical thinking on his part.

We set out intentions at night for the next day right after we say our prayers. He used to make them all about poop and farts but as he got older (we’ve been doing this since he was 3) he understands what we’re doing and why. He understands that a bad moment doesn’t make a bad day. He knows that if he cries it’s okay to laugh soon after.

I found a daily intention tear off pad in Barnes and Noble and started using it with him. Every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday we write out our intentions. There are headings reading : Today I will : Be : Feel : Do: Appreciate: Let Go Of & Attract. Some days Julian fills every line and sometimes it’s only a few words. Once it’s filled out he tapes it to the wall next to the bed so he can remember what he wrote. He still slips his potty words in there but it’s followed by his real intentions.

I love the kid he’s growing into, his insight of self, his sensitive soul and his deep love for people and life. He teaches me something everyday making my heart grown and fill with gratitude.

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The Process of Seperation · Uncategorized

The Process of Separation

freedom-happiness

My marriage has been in the state of separation for many years. Not officially but we lived in two different worlds, most of the time leaving me to feel like a single mother. He went to school and worked part-time on the weekend while I did everything else. I have always been the primary care taker of our son, I have been both mother and father to him.

When I wanted to move out west he pled with me to stay until he finished school and I did. I had so many plans that I put on hold, not just my move but school, having more kids, another dog to name a few. My ability to let go and my hope for a better relationship between him and my son kept me around longer then I wanted to be. This never happened.

I ended up in the hospital a year ago which changed all the dynamics of my life.  I was always the income earner in our house and I was left on unpaid medical leave. I filed for disability but was denied, my appeal is currently in court with the expectancy of it being another six months to be resolved. So I am left with no income yet it was still somehow my responsibility to get rent and other things paid, which I did. I sold my pocketbooks, borrowed and cleaned out my savings. With the money from his job he only took care of things he needed.

He finished school this past summer and got a great job, I was thinking all the money problems were going to be in the past. What a surprise to be totally left out of all financials and treated in a hostile manner. The tension is more than I care to have Julian be around, I can’t get him to leave so I am back to mulling over everything I have and selling anything I don’t want to pack or store.

I put together a crystal grid to help get me where I want to be. I wish no ill will on Him but I look forward to getting where we need to be. This process has been hard, filled with resentment of what we each feel the other has neglected or done wrong. Filled with anger of what we each feel should have been and for me regret that I had to get over for the things I gave up or waited too long for.  I had to heal myself to move on.

I continue to hold my head up high and let things I can’t change roll off my back as I know Julian is always watching. He in an empath like myself so I know he feels deeper and senses emotion more than the average person. I want him to be a kid as long as possible without grown up issues on his mind.  Julian hurts from the rejection of his dad who hasn’t attended his soccer games, basketball games, boy scouts (except one) and all other things he has accomplished as well as everyday life. I try my hardest to keep him balanced and in his 6-year-old space. He is an amazing little guy so all I do, swallowing my pride and forging forward is all for him.

Just because life isn’t going how you want it doesn’t mean it isn’t going as it is supposed to be. Learning to be grateful for what you have and not dwelling on what could have been or should have been can be hard. Once you learn to let go things fall into place as they should be. I know that my future is uncertain with my back degeneration taking away my ability to work the way I always have but I have no doubt that our future is going to be wonderful. The freedom this separation gives us is an amazing gift. I look forward to the finalized divorce and moving on. I know it’s all up from here.

Are you an Empath? Find out here!